I was reading someone's comments on facebook the other day (yes, I'm a TOTAL fb addictee) the sister who's page I was reading and I have known each other for almost our entire time as muslims. She reverted 4.5 years ago, I reverted coming up to 4. As I was reading, I was suddenly struck at the stark differences our lives have taken us, on our quest to find the deeper meaning of life.
I remember a young lady who was having quite a traumatic period in her life, when I first "met" her ( inverted comma's because I haven't actually had the delight of meeting her in person) she'd been through divorce, bringing up children on her own, marriage and yet another divorce. I heard about how she lived her life, her choices, her mistakes, her regrets, through hijab, niqab, removal of both and back again, her meeting gentlemen, her thoughts, and finally her marriage to (by all accounts) a total stranger - she did things the "muslim" way, it was shocking, moving and, alhamdulillah, she has turned her life around competely.
This young lady has become a beautiful person, she still has a lot of pain in her life, it hasn't been an easy journey, mainly through misunderstandings and refusal to accept her life choices by her nearest and dearest, but, she IS a beautiful person, kind and caring, very thoughtful of other people's pain and suffering, she works hard to bring her children up islamically, and has developed such an understanding of Islam.
However, I, on the other hand, am older, my life choices have lead me down a different route - maybe rockier, maybe more convoluted (but what in my life ISN'T convoluted?!) I doubt any more or less difficult though, than the sister I've just spoken about. I remember at one point and time, her becoming quite exasperated with me, and us having quite a heated discussion over the fact that I was older than her and I "should know better" ooh! that hurt - however, we are all products of our upbringing and I learned early on that - to act the fool, and to laugh at yourself first, was an effective diversionary tactic when facing uncomfortable/painful situations. This is my way of dealing with life, it may not be everyone's ideal, but it's MY way.
I have remained married to my non muslim husband - hoping above hope that he'd see the good in Islam, it hasn't happened, and life with all it's issues, has now stepped in and we are currently living separate lives. It is directly as a concequence of my nomadic, isloating lifestyle that I have "drifted" into Islam, my understanding of the day to day ethics of Islam is fine, but the more indepth stuff? well, to be honest, I haven't a clue, I can't quote from the Qur'an, or hadith, I don't understand "words", it's like a different language to me sometimes when I read what people have written - it takes me hours sometimes to trawl through someone's elaborate writing on FB, scrutinising every "foreign" word, then forgetting it almost instantly as I move further down the page. Yes, it's all very frustrating.
I don't wear hijab, I did once - but I realized (in one of my moments of clarity) that I was wearing it for all the wrong reasons, so I took it off - inshallah, when the time is right, I will wear it again (can't wait, I've hundreds of scarfs!) I'd love to have the knowedge this young lady has, I'd love to have the strength of character this young lady has - I have no doubt, if she reads this, she'll I'm talking about her, and I hope, she will realize that I have TOTAL respect for her, and admire her so completely.
May Allah reward her hard work in striving along the path towards him - I hope in some small way inshallah, that I will end up with some kind of reward for bumbling along behind her, tripping up over countless stones that pave the way.
Two women, two paths, one aim!
I remember a young lady who was having quite a traumatic period in her life, when I first "met" her ( inverted comma's because I haven't actually had the delight of meeting her in person) she'd been through divorce, bringing up children on her own, marriage and yet another divorce. I heard about how she lived her life, her choices, her mistakes, her regrets, through hijab, niqab, removal of both and back again, her meeting gentlemen, her thoughts, and finally her marriage to (by all accounts) a total stranger - she did things the "muslim" way, it was shocking, moving and, alhamdulillah, she has turned her life around competely.
This young lady has become a beautiful person, she still has a lot of pain in her life, it hasn't been an easy journey, mainly through misunderstandings and refusal to accept her life choices by her nearest and dearest, but, she IS a beautiful person, kind and caring, very thoughtful of other people's pain and suffering, she works hard to bring her children up islamically, and has developed such an understanding of Islam.
However, I, on the other hand, am older, my life choices have lead me down a different route - maybe rockier, maybe more convoluted (but what in my life ISN'T convoluted?!) I doubt any more or less difficult though, than the sister I've just spoken about. I remember at one point and time, her becoming quite exasperated with me, and us having quite a heated discussion over the fact that I was older than her and I "should know better" ooh! that hurt - however, we are all products of our upbringing and I learned early on that - to act the fool, and to laugh at yourself first, was an effective diversionary tactic when facing uncomfortable/painful situations. This is my way of dealing with life, it may not be everyone's ideal, but it's MY way.
I have remained married to my non muslim husband - hoping above hope that he'd see the good in Islam, it hasn't happened, and life with all it's issues, has now stepped in and we are currently living separate lives. It is directly as a concequence of my nomadic, isloating lifestyle that I have "drifted" into Islam, my understanding of the day to day ethics of Islam is fine, but the more indepth stuff? well, to be honest, I haven't a clue, I can't quote from the Qur'an, or hadith, I don't understand "words", it's like a different language to me sometimes when I read what people have written - it takes me hours sometimes to trawl through someone's elaborate writing on FB, scrutinising every "foreign" word, then forgetting it almost instantly as I move further down the page. Yes, it's all very frustrating.
I don't wear hijab, I did once - but I realized (in one of my moments of clarity) that I was wearing it for all the wrong reasons, so I took it off - inshallah, when the time is right, I will wear it again (can't wait, I've hundreds of scarfs!) I'd love to have the knowedge this young lady has, I'd love to have the strength of character this young lady has - I have no doubt, if she reads this, she'll I'm talking about her, and I hope, she will realize that I have TOTAL respect for her, and admire her so completely.
May Allah reward her hard work in striving along the path towards him - I hope in some small way inshallah, that I will end up with some kind of reward for bumbling along behind her, tripping up over countless stones that pave the way.
Two women, two paths, one aim!
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